I used to keep a gratitude journal. Every day. For about five years. A list of five things I am grateful for that day. But it became a bit routine. I felt I wasn’t putting my heart into it like I once did. I wasn’t looking for things that were special in every day, so I could add them to the list. It became 1) Roof over my head, 2) Clean drinking water, 3) Health, 4) Food in my belly, 5) That my family and friends also have numbers one thru four.
So, I stopped.
I have been through four jobs in 2016 – I, who tend to stay at a job until it doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve gone from fat to fatter. My depression and anxiety have been on the rise as my confidence has plummeted. And I can’t help but wonder about the correlation to my giving up on a gratitude journal. So, whether here or elsewhere, I am going to be keeping that daily list again.
- I am thankful that fatness sucks. That my knees and back start to ache. That I can’t sleep or breathe easily or comfortably. I’m thankful for a body that gives me tons of signs that things are not okay. So that I have no excuse to not make the right choices. So that I have no way to delude myself when I’m not on the right track.
- I am thankful for this job. It pays much better than such a job should pay. I really lucked out. Well – that’s not true. I should take credit where credit is due. I am a hard worker, super personable, well organized, and can rock this job. Thank goodness that I am ending 2016 on this (career) note, rather than one of the earlier, dismal spots I was in.
- I am thankful for four days off work, two of them paid days off. Even though I’ve spent quite a bit of that time sleeping or miserable, I’ve also spent some of it with family and creating (I’m making a totem pole out of paper mache and coffee cans). A change is as good as a rest, so they say, and I have only a three day work week before my next three days off, one with pay. Not so bad. First world luxuries.
- I am thankful for Christmas music. Honestly, even though we don’t do a tree, don’t do gifts, don’t do lights, don’t do much of anything for Christmas, the music is so special. It hearkens back to my childhood. It is comforting and encouraging and buoys up my spirit.
- I am thankful that it’s not too late to turn some things around. I’ll never NOT have fatty liver disease, for example. Once you’ve gone there, you can’t come back. But I might avoid a heart attack. It’s all still up in the air. Like Scrooge after the visit of the Ghost of Christmas Future. It’s not too late.